just in case i offend anyone, i just want people to know that this is indeed written out of anger. i am mad. i just carried my little 5 year old boy up to bed with him SCREAMING in pain, i'm mad!!! i'm mad at this stupid disease that has made my once loveable, huggable little boy into a boy that cannot be touched. a boy that is in alot of pain. a boy who cries when i try to help him by carrying him up the stairs because he can't walk. i'm mad at myself for losing my temper with him because he is screaming and i can no longer think. i'm mad at people for not taking this seriously and thinking because he is walking one day that he is fine *by the way, the only way he is functioning at all is because he is on ib prophen every 6 hours with no break). i feel like videotaping what my life is like from 4 pm (the time this normally gets worse) till bedtime, and showing everyone. this has taken a huge toll on me. we have been to the emergency room 3 times since this disease has come and to the dr.s office 3 times as well. all of this in 9 days! my husband works 80+ hours a week, i do this by myself and i am getting stressed out. i'm mad that my kids have to see their mom cry and yell because she is exhausted from getting up in the middle if the night to administer more medicine to her 5 year old boy, then has to get up and get kids ready for school, bring them to school, do laundry, dishes, pick the kids up from school, help with homework, make supper, do dishes, do more laundry, give baths, and get the kids to bed. although i do all of things on an everyday basis, from the homework part on is literally done while listening to my son scream and cry because he is in pain. the ib prophen is no longer working on the pain and he is having ALOT more stomach pains (and they are much more severe), whether it is because he has become immune to it or the pain is getting more intense, i do not know. i will be making a call to his dr. tomorrow and they will have to move on to steroids. his dr.s and i were hoping to avoid them, but i can't see him in pain like he has been anymore. i can't handle it. please do not message me telling me how much worse it can be, i know it can be worse, i have a friend who is going through something worse with her son, this is not what i need to hear right now. sorry for venting, but i just want our lives to be back to normal. if you got this far, thanks for listening. if this makes me a bad mom or a bad christian, i'm sorry. i'm only human. please do not try to call, i won't answer, i just don't feel like talking right now.
I've Got an Itchy Trigger Finger. No, Really!
4 months ago
Posts
16 comments:
Oh Stace, ... I am praying for you. I am SOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that you are going through such a rough time. I wish that I was closer so that I might help you out somehow. -I am not going to pretend to fully understand all that you're facing. Just please know that I am praying for you.
Hey Stacy,
All I can say is I feel your pain. Try to stay strong and know that you will come out of this a stronger person... It sucks!! You are not a bad person or a bad Christian. You are a normal person who has to watch your child in pain and not be able to do anything about it. You know your son better than anyone, so keep standing up for him.. At night when everyone is asleep do something for you.. Cry, Scream, Swear or Pray. Whatever it takes.. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I am praying for you and believe me when I tell you that the power of prayer is an awesome thing. Keep on keeping on. Day by day. Love ya, bud! ~Amber
Stacy,
I am so sorry things are not improving! All your feelings are totally normal and human. I will be thinking and praying for you both, you will get through all this. Bless that sweet little Jordan's heart :) Get some rest when you can, I really cannot imagine how stressed, exhausted, worried you must be. It takes a toll!
sending hugs your way!
We're all here for you and keep praying that things will get better.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be so hard to watch your little boy in pain. I can only imagine. If you ever want us to watch the kids to give you a break, let us know. Doing it yourself with 4 kids is tough. Let me know if there's anything I can do and I'm very serious about the offer of watching the kids.
Love, Joleene
P.S. I found a card last night that you wrote to me when we were in elementary school. :) It's really cute. I'll have to show it to you next time I see you. Keep your chin up and you are NOT a bad mother!!!
Hey Stacy, sorry to hear things are not going better for Jordan. Try to keep your chin up. I'll continue to pray for you, your family and Jordan's Doctor's for guidance on what to do to help him with his pain. If you need anything please, please call me.
Keep the Faith,
Miranda
This just breaks my heart, for you, for Jordan and for your entire family. There's nothing worse than seeing your kid in pain and it only adds insult to injury when people take their "good days" for granted.
You're a fantastic mother and Jordan is lucky to have you. Keep up the prayers and lean on the Lord -- things WILL get better.
Meanwhile, you're in our prayers.
E
Hey Stacy! I am so sorry that you and Jordan have to go through this. IF you ever need a break, we would LOVE to have the twins for a day or two.
I know they would have a hard time a first, but after a little while they would be fine. IF you need ANY kind of help at all, please don't hesitate to ask. I would be there in a minute. I will keep you in my prayers.
Dear Stacy...I'm so sorry that you are and Jordan are going through this. I don't work on Mondays..I would be willing to take the kids also to help you and give you break. You are a wonderful Mom. You are such a good role model of how much you love and take care of your family. Sue, Jo and I would love to have you and your family over if you need a break. We love you and care...love, Aunt Joan
Stacey, I am praying for you to have strength to go on. I cannot even imagine what you and your family are going through. Poor little Jordan.
I hope the steriods give him some relief.
See if you can get someone to watch your kids so you can get a break. You can only take so much before you lose it.
Hugs sweetie! I will keep you and Jordan in my prayers.
just wanted to let you know i'm thinking and praying for you all!
Just letting you know that you are loved. You guys are in my prayers. I feel SO bad that he has to go through all that pain. Just don't forget that the Lord is with you every step of the way through this struggle. You are not alone. Stay strong! :)
Hey Stacy,
Many thoughts have run through my mind as I read your post and read the comments. Number one: you are loved very much, first you are loved the most by God, second your family, mom, dad, sisters and on and on and then your friends! You have been a blessing to so many and now its our turn to be a blessing to you. Hang in there, you are one tough girl and this to will pass. And lastly, remember I love you and I am so proud of you! You are a great daughter, wife and mother - don't ever forget that. Mom
PS Jordan will be getting his strenght and encouragment from his mom.
Stacy I am so sorry for you and Jordan dealing w/all of this. The tone of your post says to me that you are really down. Or you were when posted this anyway. I hope you both are feeling much better now. I pray that the doctors are able to find something to relieve Jordan's pain. Hugs to you both. Sending prayers your way too.
I am so sorry you are having to do so much on your own...I can't imagine how stressful that must be. I know the exhaustion from when the twins were first home and I had to feed them every 3 hours and only getting about 20 or 30 min sleep in between. It's amazing how quickly your defenses go down and emotional and physical exhaustion take over. I don't think you are a bad mother or a bad Christian...only HUMAN! As they say...this too shall pass. Hopefully sooner than later for everyones sake! I feel so sorry that he is in so much pain..as a mother it tears you to pieces not knowing how to take the pain away. I know you would take on his pain if only he would feel better. I pray for you every night and hopefully the disease will go away as quickly as it came about.
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